Neptune and substance abuse

A personal tale

Dedicated with love and respect to Hilary Ritter.

Once you get into astrology, past the point of simply looking up your daily horoscope on occasion, you will probably get to the point where you read something to the effect that “a well-aspected planet is a good thing.”

Like many things written on the internet about astrology, this is both entirely true and incomplete to the point of being total codswallop.

So, let me tell you a personal story about a guy I've known for a long time and I'm only now slowly getting around to genuinely liking. That guy is me.

I have a ludicrously well-aspected Neptune. It is a close trine to my moon, a close trine to my Mars, a week trine to my Saturn, a close sextile to my Uranus Pluto conjunction, and a particularly useful trine to my Midheaven.

Nonetheless, my Neptune hasn't operated particularly smoothly or well. Gather around children, it's time for Uncle Matthew to talk about drugs!

Over the years I have had the opportunity to drink deeply from the well of altered consciousness. Please allow me to now share with you my experiences with such things.

Smoking is one of the two illicit activities that I can say I am addicted to. Not marijuana of course, because study after study demonstrate that marijuana is not actually addictive. Put that in your pipe and smoke it! Opioids are absolutely vital if you are in severe pain, and I've had to rely on them heavily twice in my life. And I admit that both times that I was hospitalized and fed a steady supply of painkillers, I developed a certain nostalgic fondness for them for some weeks after my release. Lsd? Mind expanding in the best possible way. Mushrooms? Highly enjoyable but at the older I get the more it makes me sick to my stomach, so it's been a long time since I had any of those. Ketamine? Just as much fun as ecstasy except that it comes with the risk of getting trapped in what's called the k hole. Ask your nearest old school party monster what that's like.

So anyway that's my story about The perils of even a strongly-aspected Neptune. That's the end of our story. I have now officially named every naughty drug I have ever consumed. Honest!

Oh wait a minute. Alcohol.

Honestly? The only time I would dare admit to having had a little too much fun over the years with alcohol would be if it was cleverly disguised as a joke.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because Matthew is an alcoholic.